were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
