i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
