I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
