I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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