he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
