Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
