Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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