I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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