I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
