i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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