Just fell off a train. Bad.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
