My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
