i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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