dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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