I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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