also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
