So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
