went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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