Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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