TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
