why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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