i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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