the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
