Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
