you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
