I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
