Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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