BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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