tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
