Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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