why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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