I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We smell like vodka and hangover
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