I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
