Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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