Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This house was built for laser tag.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
