Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why do cheetos always look like penises
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
