i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Randomize
