think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
