Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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