around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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