Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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