just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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