No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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