Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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