You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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