Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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