It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
