The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
