Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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