So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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