Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
