Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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