if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
