This girl is more easily done than said...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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