hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
