I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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