so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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