the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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