he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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