She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
