She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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