i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
