What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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