You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
