So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
