I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
