Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
