god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
