I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
