His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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