I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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