Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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