Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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