If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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