he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
