She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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