I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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