How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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