Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
