Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
