O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
